Saving Grace
by MaryFan1
Summary: Set in Season 8. Kate has kept something from Rick that could tear them apart. Can their marriage be saved?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N This is a story I have wanted to write for a while and was trying to find the right fanfic. This is in season 8. If you don't like it I can appreciate that but please be respectful in your review if that is how you feel. I figured Caskett would be the right couple for this after the episode in season 6 The Good the Bad and the Baby. I think Kate would struggle with how she feels about having a baby. Also I should have another update later this week for Gathering Storm**_

/

"What a day." Castle said as he got into bed, "Spying on cheating husbands is so much fun."

"Babe, you don't have to do it." Kate said coming in from the bathroom, "You're a writer. You don't need the P.I business. Alexis and Haley can handle it."

"I know." He agreed, "But after all the years of working together, just writing is boring."

"Well, maybe I can distract you from your boredom." She leaned in and kissed his neck and he began to cough and saw the disappointment on her face

"Sorry, I've had this sore throat all day. Are there any cough drops in the bathroom?" he asked

"Yeah, I think so." She replied with a sigh and flopped back against her pillow

After a few minutes of searching he came out of the bathroom with a strange look on his face.

"What's wrong babe, didn't find any?" She asked

"Kate, what's this?" he asked holding up a round container

Her eyes widened but she said nothing

"It's your birth control pills." He said, "Pills you said you stopped taking almost a year ago."

"Rick, let me explain." She began but he cut her off

"Exolain!" he yelled so loud startling her, "You lied to me."

"Rick, I stopped taking them a couple of months ago. I promise." She pleaded

"Oh so that makes it okay?" He asked, "You lied to me for almost a year. Why, Kate?"

She sighed heavily before continuing, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just…I wasn't ready."

"They why the hell didn't you just tell me?"

"You were so excited at the thought of having little Castle babies and the pitter patter of little feet." She explained, "You know I'm not a baby person. I thought when we were ready to have our own I'd feel differently."

He stared at her for a moment, "You don't want kids."

"Rick, I said I stopped taking them. I'm ready now." She said

"That doesn't change what you did." He said and turned to leave the room slamming the bedroom door so loud it made her jump

She sat there on the bed tears streaming down her face

/

The next morning after a fitful night's sleep Kate went into the living room but no one was there. She dialed Rick's cell but only got voicemail.

 _Babe, it's me. Please call me and at least let me know you're okay. I love you._

She sat down on the sofa and the tears started again but she had to get herself together for work so she got up and headed for the shower. After her shower she checked her phone again and saw she had a text from Rick

 _At the P.I. office. I'm fine._

The brevity of his text said it all. She headed to work with a knot in her stomach

/

After a long day she headed home not having heard again from Rick. She had tried a couple more times but it always went to voice mail. She opened the door to the loft and didn't find him in the living area or the kitchen. She went to his office and found him sitting there staring into space with a drink in his hand.

"I know we need to talk." She said

"I think you made it clear last night." He replied not really looking at her

"Rick, I love you." She said, "You know that. I made a huge mistake. I terrible mistake and I am so sorry. But we can get through this."

"I don't think so, Kate."

"Yes, we can." She replied, "We always have."

"This isn't like before." He explained, "Before when we kept secrets it was because we thought we were protecting each other. But this, this was pure selfishness on your part."

"I was scared." She explained again, "I didn't know how to tell you."

"And I don't know how to trust you now."

Her eyes filled with tears, "I'll do whatever it takes to earn that trust back."

"I don't know that you can." He said getting up, "I want you to move out." He walked out of the room leaving her in tears

/

She had nowhere to go but a hotel. She couldn't wrap her mind around what was happening to her life. She knew she had done it to herself. Looking back she didn't know why she was so afraid of telling Rick the truth. He could be immature and infuriating but he was also understating and kind. She was sitting in her office when her cell phone buzzed. It was her mother in law.

At lunch she walked into the coffee shop and found Martha waiting for her.

"Hi, Martha." She said hesitantly

"Thank you for meeting me, Katherine." She replied

"I guess Rick talked to you." Kate replied taking a seat

"Yes, he did." Martha confirmed, "And I'm not here to judge you. I'm here because I want to understand and help if I can."

"I don't know if you can." She said, "If you had seen his face, his eyes. He's so angry with me."

"Why didn't you think you could talk to Richard about this?" Martha inquired

Kate sighed heavily before continuing, "I don't know. I guess I really didn't understand my feelings and I didn't want to disappoint him."

"Disappoint him? My dear not being honest with him is what disappointed him." Martha said, "Look, I said I'm not here to judge but I know you two can work this out."

"I don't know if we can get past this one, Martha." Kate said, "I think I've destroyed my marriage."

Martha takes Kate hand and gives it a comforting squeeze.

/

A week later Kate's in her office. Things weren't any better and only Ryan and Espo knew anything was wrong and she didn't go into detail and they respected that. Again she found herself lost in thought as she looked at the photo on her desk from their wedding in the Hamptons. A knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts.

"Hey Boss." Ryan said, "We've got something on that murder down by the docks

"Okay." She said standing up but had to steady herself

"You okay?" He asked

"Yeah I just stood up to fast." She started to come around from behind her desk but she felt her knees give way.

Ryan rushed in and grabbed her arm, "I don't think you're okay. You should go to the hospital. I'll drive you."

/

At the ER Kate waited in an exam room for the doctor on call to return with her test results. She knew it was nerves and stress, plus not eating much of anything. The doctor pulled the curtain back and greeted her

"Captain Beckett. I'm Doctor Fleming. I understand you had some lightheadedness and a headache."

"Yes." She confirmed

"Well, I'd say that's normal under the circumstances." He said as he looked over her chart

"What circumstances?" She asked, he had no idea of her personal life

"You're pregnant, Captain."

"Pregnant?" She asked

"Yes." He smiled, "About five or six weeks. Congratulations. You should make an appointment with your OB/GYN right away."

All Kate could do was nod her head.

/

Later that night after work she went to the loft not knowing what she would say to Rick. She knocked on the door and Rick answered it.

"What are you doing here?" He asked

"Rick, we need to talk." She said

"No we don't." He said trying to shut the door

She pushed back on the door, "Yes, we do. I'm pregnant."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Thank you to all who have reviewed and are following this story. Some of you have expressed dislike for this story and that it's A/U and OOC. I appreciate your respectful way of expressing that. I really felt that there was something to explore with Kate's feelings on motherhood and that they would be mixed. Maybe I went about it the wrong way. A couple of people asked if I hate the characters because of the stories I am writing. Absolutely not. I love Caskett. Just because you put them in these situations doesn't mean you hate them. We will never see more glimpses into their married life except what people write here. Also there was an episode where Rick was being framed by Jerry Tyson the 3XK killer so is it so hard to fathom something like that could happen again? Not saying it's Tyson but if it happened once it could happen again.**_

/

Rick stood there stunned, "You're what?"

"I'm pregnant, Rick." She repeated, "Please let me in so we can talk."

He said nothing but held the door open and she entered

"You said you'd only been off birth control for a couple of months." He said, "Are you sure?"

"The ER doc confirmed it." She said, "He said about five or six weeks."

"ER?" He questioned, "You were in the emergency room? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She assured him, "Today at work Kevin came in my office to talk about a case and when I stood up to go look at something they found I was lightheaded and dizzy so he took me to the ER."

He breathed a sigh of relief, "But you're okay and the baby's okay?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I have an appointment next week with my doctor so I'll have a better idea of how far along I am and my due date."

"So you didn't know that night?" he asked

"No, I had no idea." She replied

There was a pause that seemed to last an eternity and when he didn't respond she continued.

"God Rick, if I could take back what I did I would. But I can't change it." She said

"Just tell me why, Kate." He said, "The real reason." He felt there was something going on beyond just being afraid or unsure

She sighed heavily, "Rick, this is all so new to me. Marriage and babies. Part of me never saw myself like that, you know." She paused gaging his reaction but he just stayed silent with a poker face

"I've never had to consider being responsible for another life. I've never had to consider what a big change that is. I never had to consider…" She trailed off

"Consider what?" he prompted her

"My job." She said

He looked at her with a questioning expression, "You think I'd want you to quit working? That's what this is about?"

She shook her head, "No, it's not that."

"Then what?"

"I never had to think about how my job would affect other people because, aside from my dad, there wasn't anyone else to consider and I know how much he worries about me." She paused, "I've had a dangerous job for over ten years. How could I put my husband in a position to possibly one day tell our child mommy isn't coming home?"

"Kate, we could have talked about this." He said, "I would have understood."

"What if I had said that I didn't think we should have kids given how dangerous my job can be?"

"Is that how you felt?"

"Yes." She replied

"But you don't feel that way now?"

"I'm captain." She said, "I'm not in the field anymore."

He considered the words that she said and something finally made sense, "Wait, you stopped birth control two months ago."

"When I became captain." She finished his sentence

"So that's what you meant when you said you were ready."

"Once I made captain I knew I didn't have to worry as much so I stopped."

He moved closer to her, "Kate, you don't have to be afraid."

"I know. You know, I can stare down serial killers and murderers but a tiny baby can intimidate me. " She said, "Look, I'm not asking you to take me back. I'm just asking that…" She paused, "That I don't have to do this alone."

He pulled her in his arms, "Kate, you won't do this alone. I would never abandon you or our child. "

She sighed against him then pulled back, "Will you come with me to the doctor next week?"

"Of course." He assured her, "The baby whisperer will always have your back."

She smiled slightly, "You might need to work on that Castle."

He smiled for the first time since they'd been talking

"Are we gonna be okay?" Her eyes pleaded for him to say yes

"I think you should go back to your hotel." He said

She looked at him for a moment, "Oh right. I guess I should." She turned to leave

"To get your things and come home." He said

She turned back around to face him, "Are you sure? "

"Kate, it will take time but we can't make things work if we're apart." He explained, "I love you. It was never about not loving you. I never stopped. But we can't have a relationship like this."

"I know." She said "I'll go get my things. Have you eaten? I'm starving. I could pick up something for us."

"I'll make something while you're gone." He said

"Okay."

Later that night Kate was getting ready for bed when Rick came in the bedroom.

"Hey, thanks again for dinner." She said, "I guess I didn't realize how hungry I'd be eating for two."

"You don't have to thank me." He said as he came around the bed to his side and got his pillow

"What are you doing?" She asked

"I'm gonna sleep on the couch." He said

"Oh, I thought…" She trailed off

"Kate, I love you but I said I needed time." He explained, "Please understand."

"I do." She replied, "I guess I thought …never mind."

He came around and sat down on her side of the bed and took her hand, "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." She nodded and wiped her eyes and he kissed her on the forehead, "I'll see you in the morning. How about I make you and baby Castle a smorelet? "

She smiled, "That would be great."

He got up and walked to the door, "Good night."

"Good night."

/

A few days later they were in Kate's doctor's office for her first check –up. Kate always felt vulnerable in those stupid gowns and hated it. After a few minutes the doctor came in.

"Kate, Rick." She said, "Good to see you both. So I understand you were at the ER and had a pregnancy test."

"Yes, last week." Kate replied

"What brought you into the ER?"

"I was dizzy and lightheaded."

"Well, that's normal. So, let's take a look at you." She said, "Lie back and spread your legs."

"Rick, you don't have to stay." The doctor said

"No, if you don't mind doctor I'd like to."

"Rick, it's okay. You can wait for me outside."

"Actually, after this I'm going to have one of the techs come in and do an ultrasound so you might as well stay."

Rick smiled, "Okay."

The doctor did her exam and all looked good. She confirmed that Kate was about six weeks and put her due date some in mid-March. The technician came in wheeling the ultrasound machine and greeted them.

"I'm Julie and I'll be making your baby a movie star today." She said with a smile and she fired up the machine then coated Kate's abdomen with gel.

In a few moments she placed the transducer on her abdomen and moved it around until she found it. The size of a cherry, "There it is." She pointed to the screen

"Wow, it's so tiny." Kate marveled

"Well, it's just about the size of a cherry right now but it's in there."

Rick held Kate's hand and she squeezed it, "Wow, look at our baby, Rick."

He smiled and squeezed her hand back.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N** _ **: Once again thanks to all who are reading and reviewing this story and Gathering Storm. I love that this is such an active fandom.**_

/

 **TWO MONTHS LATER**

Kate was about fourteen weeks and she was noticing a slight rounding of her usually rock hard abdomen and her waist was thickening. She was still trying to get used to all the changes going on inside her. She was meeting Lanie for lunch and much needed girl time. She entered the restaurant and found Lanie at a table waiting.

"Sorry I'm a little late. Javi and Kevin wanted me to look at something before I left." She took her seat

"I just got here myself." Lanie replied looking at her friend, she was tired and pale, "Are you alright?"

Kate sighed heavily as she picked up the menu, "I'm okay. Just didn't realize how tired I would be."

"No, I meant with you and writer boy."

"About the same. We don't argue but we don't talk much either. He holds up in office writing at night. But he tries to be thoughtful. He'll get me whatever food I crave. But there is a distance between us. "

"Still in separate rooms?" Lanie asked

"Yeah." She said

"It'll get better." Lanie said, "You know that boy is crazy about you."

She smiled slightly, "He used to be. I don't know that it will ever be quite the same."

"Give it time.

"You know how he used to look at me?" Kate said

"Yeah like a puppy dog." Lanie replied

"I don't see that anymore. The way his face lit up when I walked in a room. He says he needs time but that he still loves me. I just wonder if he's using his book as a reason not to deal with it. He said thing wouldn't get better if we were apart but we might as well be."

Lanie took Kate's hand and squeezed it.

/

That night like most Rick was working in his office while Kate read on the couch in the living room. She looked at her watch not realizing it was almost nine.

"Hey, you've been in here a long time. Why don't you take a break?" She asked from the doorway, "There's a monster movie marathon on. We could make some popcorn and curl up on the couch."

"I'm really on a roll here so I have to pass." He said not looking up as he continued typing

"It could wait until morning." She replied

"If I don't get it down now I won't remember it by morning. You know how writers work." He replied

She walked in and stood in front of his desk, "Rick, you can't keep hiding in here."

"Kate, please."

"Rick, you said you love me." She replied, "But that it will take time. And I get that. But if we spend our nights in silence and in separate rooms that doesn't help."

"I've just got a lot on my mind and I'm facing a deadline." He said

"Are you sure that's all?" She asked

"Kate, I just…"

"Just what?" She asked, "Rick, you say that we can't work things out if we're apart. But we don't talk. Not like we need to. I think you're using this book as an excuse."

"Excuse for what?" He asked defensively

"To not really deal with this." She replied, "I'm not trying to push you and I know you're still angry. I was wrong, so very wrong. But we have to move past this. I thought that's what you wanted."

He got up from his chair and came around to her and put his arms around her and she held on to him for dear life and she was shaking, "Shh…it's okay." He stroked her back and pulled back to look at her

"I'm sorry, I guess the kid here makes me an emotional basketcase." She patted her belly

He took her hands in his, "But a gorgeous one." He paused for a moment, "Kate, I'm just not there yet. "

"I guess I have to accept that." She replied

"I love you and little Cosmo." He caressed her abdomen

She wiped her eyes and laughed slightly, "Ain't gonna happen Castle."

He gave her his best puppy dog face.

She just shook her head, "Well, I better let you get back to work. We don't want to bring about the wrath of Gina if you miss your deadline."

"Yeah, sometimes I don't know if she were a bigger pain as my wife or as my publisher." He joked, "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She assured him, "I guess I'll read for a while then go to bed."

"Okay but only G rated stuff. We don't wanna corrupt baby Castle."

She rolled her eyes "Good night."

He kissed her on the lips, a sweet kiss but far from the steamy ones they used to share, "Good night."

Later that night Rick went into their bedroom to change into his pajamas and noticed the light was still on and Kate had a book draped over her _My Baby Journal_. He picked it up intending to put it on the nightstand but couldn't help but take a look. He expected to see notes written about the progress of the baby but instead he found a letter. A letter she wrote to their baby:

 _Hi Peanut!_

 _I guess I should call you something else but right now we don't know what you are so instead of saying It Peanut it is. It's late and I'm pretty tired but didn't want to miss writing to you. Some might think it's silly since you can't read it. But nobody has to know. This can be our little secret. You are 14 weeks today. I can't feel anything yet but I know you're there. My body is changing and I get tired a lot and really emotional. This is all so new to me. I've never been a mommy before. I hope I'm good at it. I'm really scared. Daddy says I shouldn't be. But I am. He's done this all before with your big sister, Alexis. She is so excited to meet you. So many people are. Me, of course, daddy and your grandparents. Your grandmother is something else. Her name is Martha and she comes across eccentric but underneath all that is a very wise woman. She raised your daddy by herself. I guess not having a daddy made him want to be a good daddy. And he's the best. Then there's my daddy. His name is Jim and he's funny and smart and kind. My mommy died a long time ago. She would have loved to be here too. But I believe she's looking down on us and watching over us. There are so many people who love you already. Uncle Javi and Aunt Lanie and Uncle Kevin and Aunt Jenny. They aren't really related to us but they are certainly family. Once you're here they will all want to hold you and play with you. So I think of this as special time just for us while you're growing inside me. I don't have to share you just yet. Wow, I'm getting really sleepy so I'll say good night for now. I love you more to the moon and back. Always._

 _Mommy_

A tear came to his eye as he gently put the book back where it was.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

It was November and Kate was about halfway through her pregnancy. Things were improving slowing between them and they were talking more. They had an appointment for an ultrasound and to possibly find out the sex of the baby. Kate found him in his office.

"Hey." She said from the doorway

"Hey." He looked up from his laptop

"So, I was wondering if you had given any more thought to finding out the sex of peanut here." She ran her hand over her belly

"Well, what do you think?" He asked

"It would help with names and decorating and telling people what we need. You know, clothes and things."

He nodded, "I agree. Unless you want to be surprised."

She shook her head, "No, I don't."

"So we agree we'll find out the sex?"

"Yeah." She replied looking at her watch "We better get going."

He nodded and got up and followed her.

They arrived at the doctor's office and waited in an exam room for the ultrasound technician to come in.

Kate was sitting on the table in one of those gowns swinging her feet back and forth, "Are you nervous? Rick asked

"A little." She admitted, "I just want everything to be okay."

He got up for his chair, walked over to her and took her hand, "It will be." He kissed her just as the door opened and they jumped

"Hello there." the technician said

"Hi." They both replied nervously

"So it'll be just a minute and we'll see how your baby is progressing." She turned on the machine, "Kate, lie back and I'll put the gel on you."

"Okay." Kate replied doing as she was told

After a few more minutes the technician took the transducer and rolled it across Kate's belly, "There it is."

Rick and Kate both looked at the screen, "It looks more like a baby now." Kate replied

"Yep." The technician replied "There's the little spine and his arms and legs."

"Him?" Castle asked

"Oh I'm sorry. No, just a habit." She replied, "Do you want to know?"

"Yes." They replied in unison

"Alright then." She said moving the transducer around more, "Let's see if baby cooperates and shows off." She continued to move it around, "There, it is."

"It as in..." Rick said

"No, actually I should have said there it isn't." She said, "It looks like you're having a girl."

"Really?" Kate asked

"Well, let me get the doctor but that's what it looks like to me."

The doctor came in a few minutes later, "Well, I hear it's pig tails and tea parties in your future."

"That's what she said." Rick said

"Let's take a look." The doctor took the transducer and ran it over Kate's belly again, "Yep, it's a girl."

Kate and Rick both beamed, "So everything looks good?"

"Looks like development is right on schedule." The doctor pushed a button and the machine beeped

"What's that?" Kate asked nervously

The doctor smiled, "Relax, I'm just immortalizing baby Castle." She handed them a picture, "So how are you feeling?"

Kate stared at the ultrasound photo in awe, "Okay, I think. I've felt some little flutters but nothing major yet. Is that normal?"

"Well, you should start to feel more kicking soon. Each pregnancy is different. Each baby is different. Some women feel movement in the fourth month some not until the fifth."

Kate smiled in relief, "Okay."

"So, go ahead and schedule your appointment for next month and get rest when you need it and take those vitamins."

"I'll make sure she follows orders" Rick said smiling

"Good." She got up, "Then I'll see you in a month and if you have any questions or something doesn't feel right call."

Kate nodded and the doctor left them alone.

"Wow." She said looking at the photo again, "That's our baby. Our little girl."

He looked at the photo, "Amazing, isn't it?"

"Yeah." She smiled and took his hand squeezed it"

/

They returned to the loft and Martha and Alexis was there.

"Well, is everything alright? Martha asked

"Everything is fine." Kate assured them

"And.." Martha prodded, "Do we know what we're having?"

Kate and Rick smiled, "It's a girl!"

"Oh, that's just wonderful." Martha hugged them both

"That's great." Alexis said, "I get a little sister."

"I'm pretty tired so I'm gonna lie down." Kate said

"Okay." Rick said and she walked toward the bedroom

"Well, I've got a class so I'll see you guys tonight." Alexis kissed her dad, "Congratulations."

"Thanks, pumpkin."

Alexis left and Martha looked at her son, "So, another girl."

"Yeah, I seem to be good at that."

"Richard, I don't want to butt in." She began, "But I still sense things aren't all the way there yet for you two."

"Things are better." he said

"But you're holding back." She added, "Why?"

"I don't know."

"You've been so preoccupied with that book. Which isn't half as important as your marriage. You two need time alone. Why don't you go to the Hamptons for a few days?"

"I really can't, Mother." He said

"Yes you can." She insisted, "You two need that. Get away from your book, her job. Reconnect."

Rick considered his mother's words.

Later that night Rick came out of his office and joined Kate in the living room.

"Hey." he said joining her on the couch, "I've been thinking and maybe we should get away for a while."

Kate looked up from her book, "What do you mean?"

"I mean get away from here." He explained, "Go to the hamptons for a few days."

"Is that what you really want?" She asked

He looked at her puzzled, "I'm suggesting it aren't I?"

"You're mother suggested it." She replied

He looked at her again puzzled

"I overheard your conversation." She admitted

"Kate, I thought about it and she's right." He said, "We need to focus on us. I want to focus on us."

"Really?"

"Yes, I called Maria and she is getting everything ready. We can leave this weekend. You can take some time right?"

"Sure I can." She said, "It pays to be the boss."

"Good." he kissed her, "I'm gonna finish up some stuff before bed."

"Okay." She said smiling slightly

/

They arrived at the house in The Hamptons Friday afternoon.

"You know I didn't realize how long it had been since we've been here." Rick said she he sat their bags down

"Yeah, you know I don't think it's been since our wedding." Kate replied

"I'll check the fridge" He walked into the kitchen, "Yep, Maria got everything I asked her to buy. We have our choice of meals tonight. Coque au vin or chateaubriand."

"Did you get the ingredients for smorelets?" she asked as she entered the kitchen

"That's what you want for dinner?" He asked

"Strangely enough, yes."

"Then smorelets it is."

She looked at her watch, "I'm gonna lie down for a while. Wake me when they're done."

"Sure." He said

A couple of hours later Kate entered the kitchen.

"Hey, I was just going to wake you."

"I smelled it." She said

"You know, this baby has good taste." He said

"What?" she asked

"She appreciates gourmet food." he explained as he took their plates and put them on the table

"Well, don't get used to it. I'm sure once she's born I will go back to being repulsed by this 'gourmet' concoction." she said taking her seat

"We shall see. We shall see." He said

She recognized his tone, "Don't tell me you have one of your crazy Castle theories about our kid?"

"Just that whatever the mother eats the most of will be the baby's favorite food."

"Uh huh." She said taking a bite

"Well?" He asked

"Surprisingly delicious." She agreed, "Oh." She gasped

"What's wrong?" he asked, "Is it too hot?"

"No." She said, "The baby. I felt her move."

"You mean more than fluttering?" He asked

Her eyes became moist with tears forming, "Yeah. I felt her. I felt our little girl kick."

He got up from the table, went to her and kneeled down by her and put his hand on her belly and felt a small kick. They looked at each other. Hope creeping into Kate's eyes.

"Rick..." She spoke his name softly

His response was to cover her mouth with his but she pulled back, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." He said

They both stood up and he led her to the bedroom and in record time they shed their clothes. He sat on the bed and she stood in front of him and once she was naked he pulled her closer to him and pressed the side of his face to her belly then pulled back and gently kissed it and pulled her back on bed with him. They rolled over on their sides trying to find the most comfortable position to accommodate her belly. He slowly entered her and she let out a moan.

"Are you alright?" He asked

"Yes." She replied out of breathe, "Don't stop."

He kissed her again and once they were done they lay together Rick spooned up against her back, his arms draped over her side with his hand on her belly.

"Rick?" She asked

"Yes." He replied nuzzling her neck

"I am so sorry." She said

"I know." He assured her

She turned over to face him, "The last thing I wanted was to hurt you."

"I know that, Kate." He said, "But you have got to trust me, trust us."

She nodded

"We can work through anything if we communicate."

She traced his jawline with her finger, "I love you."

"And I love you." He said, "Always."

"Always."


	5. Chapter 5

After they lay in bed for a while Kate gently extricated herself from Rick's embrace and quietly put on her gown and robe and went into the living room. She had grabbed her journal and began to write again.

 _Hi Sweet Pea!_

 _Well, we finally have our answer and you are …a girl! I didn't really care except that I wanted you to be healthy and normal and the doctor assured us that everything is a - okay. I felt you kicking for the first time yesterday so I know you're really in there. Your daddy and I are at our house in Hamptons. It's so peaceful here. I think you'll love coming here for vacations. He and I had a chance to reconnect and become us again. Long story but if you learn anything from me, always tell the truth. Lying always ends up hurting people. I guess I get scared to let people in, even your daddy. It makes me feel vulnerable and that's hard for me. I also don't want to disappoint anyone but lying is a bigger disappointment than a truth that might not be nice to hear. I really have to work on that. Thankfully your daddy has the biggest heart of anyone I know._

 _I suppose we should start thinking about a name for you. I don't know where to start. My mom's name was Johanna. I'd like to work that in maybe as a middle name. I'll mention it to daddy but I'm sure he'll be okay with it. Soon it will be Thanksgiving and I hope all of us can celebrate together. Growing up as an only child most of the time holidays were just me and my parents so I hope we'll always have a big table full of family to be with. I used to spend the holidays working because I felt like it was my responsibility to protect those who did have families. But that changed when I met your dad. Well, I better get back to bed before he notices I'm gone. I just wanted to write to you while it was on my mind. I love you, precious girl. Always._

 _Mommy_

She closed the book and crept quietly back to bed putting the book in the nightstand before getting back into bed, smiling as she looked at her sleeping husband.

/

Early the next morning Kate was sitting on the porch with a glass of milk. She missed her coffee but had gotten used to going without it. She was lost in thought when she heard the door open and Rick appeared.

"Good morning." She said

He walked over to her and bent down to kiss her, "How long have you been up?"

"A while." She replied, "I just couldn't sleep."

He took a seat in the chair next to hers, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just had a lot on my mind, I guess." She replied taking a sip of milk

"Like what?" He asked

"Oh, I don't know." She replied, "About our wedding. How we danced in the gazebo to the music on your phone."

"Well a boy scout is always prepared." He quipped

"Castle, you were never a scout."

"But I am always prepared." He whipped out his phone from the pocket of his robe, "Shall we, Mrs. Castle?"

She gave him a quizzical look at first but then put her hand is his, "It would be my pleasure, Mr. Castle."

He pressed a button on his phone and the music began to play as he took her in his arms holding her as close as he could, her baby bump a slight obstacle.

 _Have I told you lately that I love you?_

 _Have I told you there's no one else above you?_

 _You fill my heart with gladness_

 _Take away all my sadness_

 _Ease my troubles that what you do_

As they danced she laid her head on his shoulder, a small tear traveling down her cheek.

/

Everyone was gathered at the loft for Thanksgiving dinner, including Jim Beckett, Kate's father, Lanie and Espo plus Ryan, Jenny and their children . Rick brought the turkey over and sat it down among the many side dishes.

"I'd like to propose a toast." He said, "Family comes in many forms. It doesn't always have to be blood. I'm thankful today, and every day, for my mother, you are one of a kind. And to my daughter, you make me so very proud of the woman you've become. To my friends and my father in law. Thank you for accepting me into your lives."

He paused and looked at Kate, "And to my wife, the love of my life. You amaze me every day and I cannot wait to meet our daughter."

Kate wiped her eyes and Martha lifted her glass, "To family." And everyone joined in

A couple of hours later the guys were in a tryptophan coma as a football game played on the TV while the ladies got everything put away in the kitchen, minus Kate who went to change and lie down for a nap. She was getting more and more tired but she knew it was part of the territory. She went to bathroom and everyone in the loft heard her frantic voice

"Castle!"

Rick jumped off the couch and ran into their bedroom then to the master bath where she stood motionless, her eyes filled with fear.

"What is it?" he asked

"I'm bleeding."

/

Kate was rushed to the emergency room while the others, minus Kevin and Jenny, who didn't have anyone to watch the kids, were waiting while Kate was examined by the doctor on call.

"She's got to be okay." Rick said as he paced, "She's just got to be okay."

"Darling, sit down." Martha said, "Pacing won't change anything."

"I should have stayed with her." He said

"The doctor will be out soon, I'm sure."

"I don't know what I'll do if…"

"Hey, don't even think like that." Javi said, "Beckett's tough and that kid of yours. She's gotta be just as tough."

"I feel so helpless."

Just then the doctor came out and approached them, "Are you all here for Katherine Beckett?"

"Yes, I'm Richard Castle her husband. How is she?"

"Well, she's stable." He said

"And the baby?" Rick asked

"The baby seems fine, too. Vital signs look good." He replied

"What happened?"

"Her cervix opened slightly. It's doesn't happen often but it can happen. That's what caused the bleeding."

"Is she going to have baby? She's only five months." Rick asked

"No, we are preparing to do what's called a cerclage. I'll stich up the cervix and leave them in until she's about thirty eight weeks. It's a simple procedure. I've done them before. Everything should be fine."

Rick sighed with relief, "How long would she have to stay in the hospital?"

"At least overnight and then for about a week I want her on bed rest. Just to make sure nothing happens."

"Can I see her before she goes back?"

"Well, make it quick."

Rick nodded and left the others and went down the hall and found his wife, "Hey."

She looked over at him in the doorway, "Hey."

"You must have been really bored." He quipped as she sat down on the bed next to her

Fresh tears formed in her eyes, "If anything happens to her."

"Hey, nothing is going to happen to her." He promised, "The doc said everything will be okay."

She nodded

"They're coming to get you for surgery. I'll be right here waiting." He gave her a smile

"Okay."

A few minutes later he watched his wife go back for surgery


	6. Chapter 6

Kate groggily came to after her surgery to find her husband sitting in the chair by her bed.

"Castle?" She asked, her voice thick from sleep

"Hey." He said with a smile

"Is everything okay?" She asked, "Is she alright?" She placed her hand on her belly

"Everything is fine." He assured her, "It went off without a hitch. Now, you have to stay in bed for about a week. Just to make sure everything is okay."

"A week?" She asked more alert now as she sat up, "I cannot take that much time off from my job."

"Yes, you can." He said, "And that's an order, Captain."

"You're going to be totally annoying the whole week I'm in bed aren't you?"

"Who me?" he said with a grin

/

A couple of days later Kate was at home and staying in bed like a good little girl. But she couldn't stay completely disconnected from the precinct so she had her laptop with her and was Skyping with the boys when Castle came into the bedroom with her lunch.

"Yeah, Espo, can you scan those documents and email them to me? I wanna look at them." She said

"Sure thing, boss."

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" He asked from the doorway

"I'm talking to Espo." She said looking up at him from her laptop

"You're supposed to be resting, young lady." He admonished as he sat the tray of food on the dresser

"Castle, I am resting." She said

At the precinct Ryan joined Esposito in the conference room and could hear the banter from the computer, "Hey, what's going on?"

"Mom and Dad are fighting again." He joked, "Hey, Castle you're interrupting some important police work, Man."

Castle walked over and grabbed her laptop to look at them on Skype, "And you're interrupting my wife's recovery."

Kate took her laptop back, "Guys, we'll talk later. Let me know what happens after you talk to Talmadge's girlfriend. I know she's hiding something."

"You got it." Esposito said

Kate sat her laptop off to the side, "Babe, you are going overboard."

"You're not supposed to be working." He explained, "You are supposed to be recouperating."

"I am resting. Talking on the phone isn't going to hurt me." She explained, "Rick, I'm bored out of my mind. This keeps me sane."

"You're probably the only girl who's ever said murder keeps her sane." He quipped, "Why don't you read a book or something."

"Because I don't want to read a book." She explained, "Look, I'm not getting out of bed except to go to the bathroom. I'm just talking on the phone and looking at documents. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt her."

Castle sighed, "I know. I just..."

"You just what?" She prompted

He sat down on the bed beside her and took her hand, "Listen, you want to know why I got so angry about the whole thing with the birth control pills?"

"Castle, I don't..." She began

"Yes, I was angry about you lying to me. But, do you remember back when we had that case with the baby, little Benny?"

"Yeah, I remember." She said

"We had a discussion while we were digging through the garbage and I talked about Meredith. About how she wasn't there."

"And I told you there was no way when the time came I would let you raise our baby alone." She said

"Right." He said, "And then when I found out about the birth control pills I guess I felt like if you were so unsure that...I don't know." he shook his head

"Babe, I love you and this baby so much." She said, "I'm not saying I'm not scared but I'm not Meredith."

"I know you aren't." He said, "When we were at the hospital I was so afraid. I didn't want to tell you that because I wanted to be strong for you."

"You know, you don't always have to the hero." She said, "Look, I'll eat lunch and rest for a while and check in with Javi and Kevin later today, okay?"

He smiled a crooked smile, "Okay." He got up and left and Kate finished her lunch then took out her journal

 _Hi Baby!_

 _I'm here in bed after coming home from the hospital and your dad is taking care of me. He's being so attentive but like he always does he goes overboard. I had to talk him down a bit. Truth is, I wouldn't have him any other way. He's a passionate man. He loves with everything he has, despite having been hurt in the past. I know that's why he hates secrets so much and I totally understand that. He will be the most amazing daddy. But since you are a girl be prepared to be fussed over and worried about. You should also be prepared for the torturing your future boyfriends will endure. I'll do my best to keep him in line but I can't guarantee anything. I suppose if you were a boy I'd be the one interrogating your girlfriends. I could pull the whole I'm a cop thing and even drag them to the precinct. But don't worry, as a girl, you will have plenty of back up around here. Me, grams, and Alexis. Plus, he's a total pushover. But let's keep that between us. Oh, I hear him calling, so I'll good bye for now. I love you baby girl._

 _Mommy_

 _/_

A couple of weeks later Kate had been back to her normal routine for a few days and Lanie was throwing her a baby shower. All the ladies were gathered at the loft while Rick made himself scarce at monster movie marathon.

"So, How are you feeling Kate? I had the hardest time sleeping because I was used to sleeping on my stomach." Jenny said

"Well, that is getting hard and reaching my feet, I can just about forget that now. But I feel pretty good." She explained

"Richard gave me the worst heartburn of my life and oh the swollen ankles. That was the worst." Martha added with her usual dramatic flair

"Dad drove Beckett crazy while she was in bed." Alexis said

"Sounds like writer boy." Lanie quipped

"Well, I love him for being so attentive but I'm not the best patient either. Staying in bed made me antsy."

"I guess that depends on what you're doing in bed." Lanie joked and everyone laughed

"So where did you send him off to anyway?" Lanie asked

"He's at a monster movie marathon. He's probably having a blast." She said taking another bite of cake

"He's still a little boy at heart." Kate observed

"Aren't they all?"

TBC Christmas and will baby Castle make her appearance?


End file.
